{"product_id":"ukrainian-long-john-pants","title":"Ukrainian Long John Pants","description":"\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eOD Green, Slav-Issue, and Comfier Than Your Life Choices\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eEver wanted to dress like you’re bracing for Russian artillery but still lounge like a Babushka's house cat? Step right up: this is the Ukrainian Army OD Long John pants, the choice (by force) of modern conscripts, seasoned volunteers, and anyone who hates itchy, draft-dodger base layers. Forget the Cold War burlap and prisoner hair potato sacks. This thing is 95% cotton, 5% elastane, and 100% more flattering than whatever you wore in gym class. Need the official UA crest to flex your solidarity on fusing yourself with drones? We got you. Prefer the anonymous operator look? We got that too. All in \u003cb\u003elike-new condition\u003c\/b\u003e that smells more like \"shipped from Kiev, not your terminally unemployed uncle’s Kev's basement.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eYou know the surplus long john lottery: boxy, scratchy, pant legs that swallow your microscopic quads and your soul. Forget it. The elastane keeps it snug and the waistline sharp, even after a week hiding from in-laws or shellfire.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eMost “military-style” pants at the mall have never heard a round go off. These are for real, issued to real soldiers (or at least conscripts) dealing with real mayhem right now. Will you get PTSD from your errands? Not likely. Will you look like you could? Maybe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eBase layer or pajama pants; whether you’re rucking through mud, camping, or just want to feel tactical while microwaving borscht, this thing outlasts and outshines anything big box stores dare to call thermal. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eLike New, No Weird Stories Attached:\u003c\/b\u003e These are unissued or barely used, so you’ll get clean, sturdy, life-proof underpants, not mysterious sweat relics riddled with bullet holes and burn marks.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is real deal combat comfort, and it’s not sticking around. When the world’s supply runs out, you’ll be stuck with knockoffs and lamenting your life. You’ve already paid for this once with your taxes, so you should at least recoup some of that by getting a great deal on it now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eSpecs\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGenuine Ukrainian Army Issue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOD Green Colorway (as God and logistics intended)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e95\/5 Cotton\/Elastane blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable with Ukrainian Crest\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003ci\u003eCommander in Chief Paddington: \u003cspan style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e*notices your elastane-flexing bulging quads*\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCondition\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePants are in unissued, new condition.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"MXFC","offers":[{"title":"XS Short","offer_id":44606448107562,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-XSS","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small Short","offer_id":44601683542058,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-SS","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Small Regular","offer_id":44601683574826,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-SR","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small Long","offer_id":44601683607594,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-SL","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium Short","offer_id":44601683640362,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-MS","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium Regular","offer_id":44601683673130,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-MR","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium Long","offer_id":44601683705898,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-ML","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Long Short","offer_id":44606448140330,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-LS","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large Regular","offer_id":44601683738666,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-LR","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large Long","offer_id":44601683771434,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-LL","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL Regular","offer_id":44601683804202,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-XLR","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL Long","offer_id":44601683836970,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-XLL","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL Regular","offer_id":44606448173098,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-2XLR","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL Long","offer_id":44606448205866,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-2XLL","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL Long","offer_id":44606448238634,"sku":"UA-PNT-CREST-3XLL","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2602\/7094\/files\/Ukrainian_Long_Johns_1.jpg?v=1785180007","url":"https:\/\/kommandostore.com\/products\/ukrainian-long-john-pants","provider":"KommandoStore","version":"1.0","type":"link"}