Clippy Says: Looks Like You Could Use Some Help Surviving the Censorpocalypse!
In this AI-fighting, Algorithm-Breaking, Surveillance-busting gumball event, the anonymized masses have begun to rise up, and rebel against the machine. You could be armed with one PVS-14 and a boatload of gear to ride out the Gumball-accelerationist era, no ID exposure required.
(Unless you win the PVS-14 and need to sign an ITAR form. If we didn't have you do that, we'd get our door kicked in by the feds. Sorry. At least we don't live in the UK.)
About the Sale
The Gumball Machine is simple and driven by pure chance. We select a bunch of items for clearance, publish the odds, and distribute them randomly as you order. No special requests for items are honored, it's all down to what the random number generator says...
In the end, everyone walks away a winner — we get to empty our shelves, and you get amazing deals and weird one-offs from our warehouse.
Please note that this is a clearance event. Returns are not accepted on Gumball orders.
A Special Note on Sizing & Condition
Sized Gumball items will be distributed randomly unless specifically stated otherwise in the description below. You are free to request certain sizes of items in your order notes but we can make no guarantees of availability.
Unless stated otherwise Gumball items are in either new or in Grade 1 (excellent) condition.
MRE's unfortunately cannot be shipped internationally. If an international customer wins an MRE, that portion of the item won will be replaced by a $10 gift card (eg if the customer wins a jacket plus an MRE, they will receive a jacket plus a $10 gift card), or in the case of the Three-Pack MRE item, it will be a $20 gift card.
The Gumball Process
Below you will find the table of available items in the Gumball Machine, each with a corresponding percentile chance. Gumball Machine items are determined through the following RNG system — no requests for specific items are allowed.
Let’s say you have your eye on a particular item and want to calculate your chance of getting it, at least once, across multiple Gumballs. The formula for this is:
1 - ( 1 - % Chance) ^ (# of Chances)
If item A has a 20% chance per Gumball, and you purchase three Gumballs, here's how it would shake out. Your chance at item A is equal to:
1 - (1 - 0.20)^3 = 0.488
In other words, your chance at item A is 48.8%
Note: To use this formula you need to express the percentage chance in decimal form. The 20% chance in the formula above is written as "0.20" not "20."
Happy hunting and may RNGesus bless you!
Rare Items |
Chance |
Retail |
Warehouse Artifact |
2.79% |
$40.00 |
Dutch DPM Hardshell Parka |
1.99% |
$69.99 |
Blem Versengtarn/Acidtarn Field Shirt |
1.20% |
$59.99 |
Blem Graphic Tee |
1.15% |
$39.99 |
GORE-TEX German Polizei Duty Parka |
0.96% |
$89.99 |
US Man-Portable Nuclear Weapons Book Set |
0.96% |
$49.99 |
Factory Second KS Sport Kamysh Tracksuit |
0.75% |
$149.99 |
Blem Wellenbreched Dyed Field Shirt |
0.64% |
$59.99 |
$50 Gift Card |
0.56% |
$50.00 |
Factory Second 84' Sarajevo Track Jacket |
0.45% |
$99.99 |
Unissued British Lightweight MTP Waterproof Pants XL / Gen II |
0.40% |
$54.99 |
Bundeswehr Schneetarn Overwhite Jacket |
0.40% |
$49.99 |
Gumball Prize Austrian M65A2 Gas Mask |
0.33% |
$69.99 |
French "Armee De Terre" PT Suit (US Medium) |
0.32% |
$49.99 |
Blem USMC Coyote Brown Polartec Sweater |
0.30% |
$39.99 |
Ukrainian Handwarmer Pouch MultiCam |
0.24% |
$59.99 |
Soviet CSKA Jersey (Your Size) |
0.16% |
$59.99 |
Red Dawn Calumet High Letterman Jacket |
0.16% |
$134.99 |
Republic of South Africa - Weaponry Complete Book Set |
0.16% |
$54.99 |
Gorka K2 Berezka KLMK Mountain Suit (Your Size) |
0.16% |
$299.99 |
KS Sport Mockba Sneakers (Your Size) |
0.16% |
$89.99 |
$100 Gift Card |
0.08% |
$100.00 |
Factory Second Red Dawn Gorka K2 Suit |
0.08% |
$299.99 |
Panasonic CF30 Toughbook |
0.06% |
$300.00 |
Blem South Korean Granite B Shirt |
0.05% |
$59.99 |
$500 Gift Card |
0.02% |
$500.00 |
Green Phos PVS-14 Gen 3 |
0.02% |
$2,799.99 |
Works out at the Library Bundle (1984, F451, Brave new world, Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, i have no mouth and i must scream game) |
0.02% |
Infinite reddit gold for r/iamverysmart |
Half-Life Complete Bundle (On Steam) |
0.02% |
Ah, The Freeman |
Cyberpunk 2077 (On Steam) |
0.02% |
A Lotta Eurodollars, Choom |
BlackRock(TM) Merch :) (your size) |
0.02% |
Infinite Real Estate Glitch |
Palantir Merch :) (your size) |
0.02% |
The entire value of the mil-industrial complex |
FPV Drone Kit (Up to 6lb payload!) |
0.02% |
1500 yuan |
SDR Radio Kit (For Educational Purposes) |
0.02% |
Mr Robot Is Literally Me |
Anti-Surveillance Insurance™ (Craftsman 20V Reciprocating Saw) |
0.02% |
Shoulda got a milwaukee |
Common Items |
Chance |
Retail |
Three-Pack Random USGI MRE (2025 July Inspection Date) |
9.99% |
$29.97 |
Dutch Mechanic OD Coverall (Wetworks on a budget) |
5.58% |
$29.99 |
Four Random Stickers, Two Random Patches |
4.47% |
$34.99 |
Dutch DPM Short Sleeve Shirt + CW Mittens |
3.99% |
$29.99 |
Dutch NATO Parka + DPM CW Mittens |
3.99% |
$39.99 |
Blem Austrian Mountain Issue ANZUG 03 BDU Pants |
3.99% |
$34.99 |
Unissued Austrian Heavyweight M75 Field Shirt + East German Balaclava |
3.59% |
$29.98 |
Post-05 Flecktarn Field Shirt + 3 Finger Mittens |
3.56% |
$35.98 |
Blem Austrian Anzug 03 Summer Field Shirt + Random USGI MRE |
3.53% |
$34.98 |
$25 Gift Card |
3.51% |
$25.00 |
Dutch NATO Parka + Random USGI MRE |
3.19% |
$44.98 |
Dutch Army Mechanic Coverall Blue + Italian White 'Alpini' Balaclava |
2.39% |
$39.98 |
Three-Color Desert Field Shirt + Random USGI MRE |
2.39% |
$39.98 |
Dutch Air Force Jacket |
2.39% |
$29.99 |
Big Fish Hat |
2.39% |
$34.99 |
Khyber Pass AK Tape Full Bundle (1 Of Each) |
2.39% |
$32.45 |
Blem DayZ Official Human Steak Plush |
2.15% |
$34.99 |
Austrian M75 Short Sleeve Field Shirt + Two-Pack Zibby Beans |
1.66% |
$35.97 |
Dutch DPM Load Bearing Vest (Complete) |
1.60% |
$39.99 |
Khyber Pass Rifle Sling |
1.60% |
$29.99 |
Turkish M2008 Air Force Assault Vest |
1.20% |
$34.99 |
South African Lion Lager Hat + Patch |
1.20% |
$31.98 |
Blem Turkish M2021 Desert Combat Shirt |
1.20% |
$59.99 |
Blem Turkish M2021 Ripstop Field Shirt |
1.13% |
$29.99 |
Dutch DPM Patrol Cap + Mannhose Shorts + Zibby Beans |
1.00% |
$23.97 |
Blem Turkish M2018 Air Force Ripstop Field Pants |
0.89% |
$49.99 |
Blem Turkish M2021 Ripstop Field Pants |
0.85% |
$39.99 |
Blem Bundeswehr Tropentarn Field Shirt |
0.81% |
$27.99 |
Blem M67 Frag + M18 Smoke Grenade Plush |
0.80% |
$31.98 |
Danish M84 Boonie Hat |
0.80% |
$29.99 |
Turkish M2018 Air Force Ripstop Field Shirt |
0.80% |
$29.99 |
British MTP Field Shirt |
0.80% |
$29.99 |
Blem British Desert Shemagh + French CCE Jungle Hat + Random USGI MRE |
0.70% |
$35.97 |
Turkish M2021 Desert Combat Shirt |
0.29% |
$59.99 |
Blem Flecktarn Field Shirt + Dutch DPM Patrol Cap |
0.61% |
$32.98 |
Blem Turkish M2018 Air Force Field Parka |
0.51% |
$79.99 |
Serviceable Austrian M75 Short Sleeve Field Shirt + Dutch DPM Patrol Cap |
0.43% |
$29.98 |
Turkish Woodland Lined Parka |
0.40% |
$49.99 |
Blem British MTP Field Pants |
0.38% |
$34.99 |
Blem Turkish M2021 Field Parka |
0.38% |
$79.99 |
Blem French CCE Short Sleeve Field Shirt + Random USGI MRE |
0.35% |
$29.98 |
Blem Turkish M2008 Air Force Assault Vest |
0.29% |
$34.99 |
Blem Austrian Thermal Fleece Jacket |
0.27% |
$39.99 |
Bort Gulf War T-Shirt |
0.24% |
$29.99 |
Blem Austrian M75 Field Pants |
0.24% |
$34.99 |
Blem Turkish M2021 Desert Ripstop Field Pants |
0.24% |
$49.99 |
Three-Pack Blem Austrian Tee |
0.13% |
$29.97 |
Blem Turkish M2018 Air Force Ripstop Field Shirt |
0.08% |
$29.99 |